Third culture kids know all about language barriers, and not only in the absolute sense of language.  The same word in the same language is often used differently depending on where you are.

In England, it’s a biscuit.  In the US, it’s a cookie.  Petrol vs gas. Tomayto vs tomahto.  You get the picture.  You do get the essence of the meaning, but perhaps miss out on nuances by not tuning into the local set of idioms or even dialect in some cases.

It would therefore follow that re-aligning our language constructs and patterns to that of our audience would go a long way in putting us on the same wavelength.  This is especially important if you are negotiating a difficult situation, say, a request for project resources during a recession, or worse, bedtime with a 9-year old on an American Idol week night.

Yet, we tend to gravitate towards familiar, tired old phrases that come from our own needs, objectives, and fears,  and have actually very little to do with our counterpart or audience.  We somehow have this mental block about speaking “their” language, and demonstrating what’s in it for them.  We mistakenly think that immersing ourselves in their world means we are giving up our own.  We lull ourselves into thinking that we can influence and convince by the sheer magic of our charm.

Wrong.

When you tune in to your audience’s language, it is natural to begin speaking in terms of what’s in it for them.  It is a small, subtle change, but adopting their terminology and their words, you immediately re-frame the conversation from their point of view.  From there to win-win (ok, compliance in my 9-year-old’s case) is just a tiny hop, skip and a jump.

I have fond memories of watching my mother effortlessly switch from one language to another, from one dialect to another, from formal to informal, all in a single evening of entertaining a multi-cultural group of guests.   She still does it today with her grandchildren, catering to their gender, age and general disposition.

It is a skill I hope to continue to emulate, not only at home, but in the workplace, where the ability to speak one another’s business language could mean the difference between a successful, ever-developing career and a dead-end job even with the same level of job-specific skill.

Happy conversing!