Cut it out!
This week I celebrated my birthday (December babies rock!). As always, the day was surrounded by much reflection, oscillating between depressing where-did-the-year-go and enthusiastic I-can’t-wait-to scenarios. Sitting in traffic with a bit of mellow music for company, I mentally reviewed possible resolutions and aspects to include in my “new & improved” me. Yes, I still believe that the day after my birthday I get to start anew.
This year for the first time, I made a decision to exclude, not include. I decided to exclude anything from my life that doesn’t add value. No, I don’t mean the extra weight I’m still carrying from a summer holiday of unrestrained gourmet abandon.
We all have something that we do out of habit or kindness or even a misplaced sense of duty. This happens all the time in the workplace: reports are routinely produced that are never read; meetings are regularly held which produce no added information or insight; elevator buttons are pressed repeatedly though they don’t make the lift arrive any faster.
In my case, I realized I was (and still am) expending an inordinate amount of effort attempting to sustain situations which, at their absolute best, failed to meet even the most modest of expected returns.
Case in point: the front lawn. For years, I’ve been trying to get grass to grow in the front yard, but because it doesn’t get direct sunlight for the most part (downside of having lovely, leafy trees), it stubbornly refuses to transform itself into a beautiful potential (tiny) golf course. Yet, each season I persist in trying another type of grass.
Another case in point: relationships that are well past their sell-by date. Such is the relationship I have with a pair of 80’s skinny jeans (fashion has such a predictable cyclical nature …). I know for a fact that no matter how many rounds of Safa Park I run, I will never, ever wear them again. I tell myself it’s because they are embarrassingly high-waisted, but we all know the real reason.
This year I resolve to exclude from my life the unsustainable relationships I have been holding on to tightly, unreasonably and with all the comfort of the devil-you-know. I resolve to let go of the burden of being responsible for the well-being of those who do not value it. I resolve to allow myself to be fickle, and abandon one-sided commitments.
Unrequited love and selfless giving is noble, and should be reserved for children, parents, the elderly and the less fortunate. Any one else must bring value to the table, or excuse themselves from the meal of generosity I have so carefully prepared.
There, I feel lighter already.
What will you choose to cut out of your life that doesn’t add value?
Hi Naima,
Growth is more about letting go than acquiring anything. We are born happy and pick up unhappy ideas from those around us. This is why the happiest people are child-like; they let go the junk that most people piled on them.
I let go things daily. The list is too long to cover; I find myself releasing either something physical or an old state of mind hourly these days.
Ryan
Freedom comes when you learn to let go… Creation comes when you learn to say “NO” …
It is just that sometimes we get caught up in our troubles so deep that we cease to think clearly or see clearly, especially when it comes to dealing with our fears, to the point where we fail to analyse our fears, and confuse those of factual causes with those that are merely manipulations and/or exploitations of opportunity, by power-hungry / power-drunken illusionists!
Ironically, we all know the trivial approach to diffuse our fears, but the state of being trapped between intimidation to the left, and a mirage of hope to the right, leaves us in a state that we can’t see the woods for the trees… And the more we dwell, the more it evolves into a scenario of having to choose between fight and flight, only that we are blind by then, and there’s only one choice that’s right and the other is fatal! And that by itself becomes a fear; the choice, with our heads pushed under water, and we are asked to breathe easy!
Dale Carnegie advises to deal with those troubles in isolation, and to pray; but none of that is possible when one is entangled in that virtual hypnotic paralysis! One struggles with that paralysis, crawling and crawling to reach out for an exit, that is just a couple of steps away, feeling like a candle light in the garden, upon a stormy night… Suffocating already, powerless in front of that locked door that already has its key in, and could use a little turning by that boy, no, that old man, the janitor, anyone, just anyone, please!
But then someone that you least expect, turns that key, pushes the door, and goes further by showing you the best way out!
Took me three days and three nights to realise that I had been freed from the inside… The freezing is undone, and the space ship is back in orbit!
I am so grateful to that someone, who gave me this afternoon the simplest yet the sweetest of gifts; the word that is most overused and undermined, wrapped up in a possessive pronoun: “my friend”!
My friend, I got my scissors my hand, and in the other I hold a cast steel shield with “Que sera, sera” engraved on it!
My friend, thank you!
@Ryan: I love the idea of an hourly release! It puts letting go in a whole new, manageable light, especially from the perspective of a child finally getting rid of unwanted junk often disguised as gifts.
@Ваш друг: You hit the nail right on the head with “virtual hypnotic paralysis”. Recognizing we are in that state is the first, most difficult step as it is often accompanied by harsh self-judgement. Thank you for sharing and happy orbiting!
A belated Happy Birthday.
Can’t agree more with you, one must unburden oneself by reducing commitments that do not add value or are unappreciated.
Time and effort are best spent on activities that contribute to the well being and happiness of our family and friends and we should not forget ourself (we always tend to forget us).
Oussama´s last blog ..Finally, She Flew
Happy belated birthday Naima!
Great post. And I’m kinda warming up to this philosophy of ‘letting go’.
God knows how that would rid my life of unwanted anxiety and stress!
Muhajababe
The Muhajababe´s last blog ..Friendship
@Oussama: thank you … and well said re forgetting about ourselves ….
@The Muhajababe: thank you for the wishes, and for stopping by
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